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Mały chłopiec do faceta:

  • Widziałem przez okno, jak pan wczoraj w nocy robił to z żoną. He, he, he!
  • Ty głuptasie! Wczoraj nie nocowałem w domu. He he he!
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Wchodzi sekretarka do gabinetu szefa.

  • Szefie, mam dwie wiadomości, jedną dobrą i drugą złą.
  • Zaczynaj od dobrej.
  • Nie jest pan bezpłodny!
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Rozmawia dwóch europarlamentarzystów. Jeden pyta drugiego:

  • Odczuwasz skutki kryzysu?
  • Stary, pewnie że tak! Jem spleśniałe sery, piję stare wino i jeżdżę samochodem bez dachu!
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W pociągu podróżny zwraca się do współpasażerki z przedziału:

  • Czy może pani powiedzieć swojemu synkowi, żeby przestał mnie przedrzeźniać?
  • Jasiu, przestań zachowywać się jak kretyn.
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Smutny mąż wraca z pracy. W milczeniu przebiera się i idzie do kuchni. Bez apetytu zjada kolację. Żona postanawia nie odkładać tego, co ma do powiedzenia i oznajmia mu:

  • Kochanie! Jestem w ciąży!!!
  • Co? Ty też?!
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Mecz finałowy piłkarskich mistrzostw świata. Na trybunie siedzi facet. Obok niego puste miejsce. Podchodzi inny facet i pyta, czy ktoś siedzi obok niego:

  • To miejsce jest wolne.
  • Ciekawe, że ktoś ma takie super miejsce na finałach i nie przychodzi na mecz! Kto to może być?
  • Cóż, to miejsce należy do mnie. Miała przyjść moja żona, ale zmarła. To pierwszy finał, na którym nie jesteśmy razem.
  • Bardzo mi przykro, ale przecież mógł pan znaleźć kogoś na jej miejsce, krewnego, znajomego czy nawet sąsiada.
  • Niestety, nie dało rady, wszyscy są na pogrzebie.
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