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  • Jakie jest credo człowieka sowieckiego?
  • Lepiej na wszystko patrzeć przez palce niż przez kraty.
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  • Jakie są trzy drogi do socjalizmu?
  • Droga Lenina, droga wędlina i droga benzyna...
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  • Jaka jest różnica między demokracją a demokracją socjalistyczną?
  • Mniej więcej taka, jak między krzesłem a krzesłem elektrycznym!
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II wojna światowa. Marszałek Żukow wychodzi z gabinetu Stalina zdenerwowany, na korytarzu zaklął i mruknął 'A to skurwysyn wąsaty!'. Ale przed drzwiami stał oficer ochrany i zareagował natychmiast pytając:

  • Co powiedzieliście towarzyszu?

Żukow na to, że nic.

  • No to wrócimy do gabinetu tow. Stalina i wyjaśnimy sprawę - powiedział oficer.

Wrócili więc i oficer melduje:

  • Towarzyszu Stalin, ja będąc na służbie usłyszałem jak marszałek Żukow powiedział 'A to skurwysyn wąsaty!'.

Stalin popatrzył na Żukowa i zapytał:

  • Kogo mieliście na myśli towarzyszu?

Żukow natychmiast odpowiedział:

  • Jak to kogo, Hitlera!

Wtedy Stalin popatrzył przeciągle na oficera ochrany i zapytał:

  • A wy towarzyszu, kogo mieliście na myśli?
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  • Jak jest najlepsza droga do socjalizmu?
  • Najdłuższa.
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  • Czy to prawda, że w Moskwie na placu Czerwonym rozdają mercedesy?
  • Prawda, ale z małymi poprawkami: nie w Moskwie, tylko w Leningradzie, nie mercedesy, tylko rowery, i nie rozdają, tylko kradną.
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