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Podczas jednej z wizyt w Polsce Breżniew został zaprowadzony przez Gierka do biblioteki. Breżniew chodzi, przegląda książki, nagle w jego ręce dostał się Pan Tadeusz.

Breżniew zaczyna czytać:
'Litwo, ojczyzno moja...', wściekły rzuca książkę i pyta się Gierka:

  • Kto to napisał?!

Gierek wystraszony nie na żarty:

  • Mickiewicz, ale... ale on już nie żyje...

Na to rozpromieniony Breżniew:

  • Wiesz co Edziu, za to cię właśnie lubię!
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Sekretarz komitetu powiatowego obdzwania okoliczne kołchozy:

  • No jak tam idą żniwa?
  • Chu..wo!
  • Nie upiększajcie, mówcie jak jest!
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  • Towarzysz zaskoczył swoją żonę w łóżku z innym mężczyzną. W sprawie rozwodowej został uznany za winnego. Czy to w porządku?
  • Jak najbardziej tak, przecież wyszedł wcześniej z pracy.
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  • Jak jest najlepsza droga do socjalizmu?
  • Najdłuższa.
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  • Jaka jest różnica między socjalizmem a kapitalizmem?
  • W kapitaliźmie człowiek wyzyskuje człowieka, a w socjalizmie - na odwrót.
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  • Czy jest możliwe wprowadzenie socjalizmu na Saharze?
  • Tak, jest to możliwe, ale po pierwszej pięciolatce trzeba by tam importować piasek.
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